Confinement is defined as the act of restraining of a person’s liberty (wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn). After giving birth the woman usually goes through a period of confinement. It could be one month, it could be 40 days or three months and 10 days depending on different custom. During this period of time, the new mother will be restrained from many things like not eating certain stuffs, not moving around too much, not going out, etc. I can tell you that it’s much worse than during your pregnancy. All these customs and practices can drive you nut, especially when the question WHY is answered by ‘this is the way it is for many generations, it’s good for you for the long term, you don’t have to ask much after the confinement you can do whatever you want to.’
Now as my baby Aria is one month 20 days old, I want to look back and see where lies the magic of the period set for the confinement. What would really happen on the last day of your confinement? Day 30th, or day 40th, or day 100th?
Before and during my confinement period, many people – friends and relatives kept telling me that it’ll be much better after the first month or the first two months. I kept counting down one day after another.
It was true that the first 2 weeks after discharged from the hospital, I really felt miserable. Tired with new schedule for a new mom, baby is unpredictable, so many advises and warnings, so many fears: fear that my baby might not eat well, not sleep well, not digest well, not adapt well, etc. fear that I cannot be a good mother, fear that my in-law will judge me and want to take control over my baby and my life, etc…
I still remember every morning after I rose up at 5:30am to feed my baby her first meal at 6:00am then put her back to bed for a nap before the next feeding, I then also went back to bed to get more rest. This was when all the fears came to me when I felt so exhausted. ‘I need help, I can’t do it alone’, I thought to myself, ‘How could I make it being a good mother to my baby?’
Many times I cried out to God, then I cried to my husband, then suggested with my husband to run away to another country, away from all the restrain people put on me, away from all the tiny little advises that neither life or death. At that time, I didn’t really bother whether to bath my baby with tea leaves or with special show cream, whether to keep the bottle brush in the nearest toilet or in the kitchen. All I wanted was some encouragements – that they believe in me, that everything is ok, that I’ve been doing good.
And one day, there was a friend came by visited us for just about 10mins (I indeed appreciated this supper short visit very much, because we had so many visits during this time, and sometimes it means interrupted feeding, interrupted rest). Our friend heard what we shared about not having enough rest, and about us waiting for this soon will be over. Then he shared his experience of being a father of 3 children in one sentence: “When I had my first child I also wanted that the child will quickly grow up, but until my third child I realized that time runs by very fast so I just wanted to enjoy every moment with my children.”
“Enjoy every moment” – these few words stuck inside my head. How to enjoy? I went about continuing my struggles without knowing that my breakthrough was coming on its way real soon.
One day when my three-week old baby Aria felt asleep in my arms (I was still on my way practicing parenting my child according to Baby wise ya!), I looked at her seeing that she had grown up and become different from the day she was born. I suddenly realized that soon, she’ll grow up and grow out of my arms so fast before I could even notice. So the words came back “enjoy every moment” – they led me to make my decision which changed my entire confinement period on that day: This is my new life, I accept it, and I will make the best out of it. I will enjoy every moment now with my child, I will not wait until few months later or few years later to enjoy her. I love her dearly, and I know I will miss this time I am now having with her.
It was not the 30 day, or the 40 day, or the 100 day, but the miracle happened when I made that decision. Life is never be the same again. It can’t be like the time just my husband and I. It has changed for the better, for something even greater!
Through my confinement period, there was so much that I’ve learned and there are so much that I’m so grateful for:
- I’m grateful for God being with me so closely through out all the time. I would not be able to be Aria’s mommie without prayers and hopes that God taught me to have. I’m so thankful that God helped to make it easy for me to learn taking care of my baby
- I’m thankful for my husband as being one who never ceases to encourage me every day, every time I need not just by words but also by taking care of the baby every night lovingly.
- I’m thankful for many other helps from family to take care of the baby and of myself.
- And I’m especially thankful for my baby (coz I didn’t expect to receive anything from her) to be so corporative, to be so encouraging with her smiles and warm looks.
No matter how hard was the confinement period, I’d trade nothing to learn that I’m so loved by so many people! So new moms, be strong, be courageous, and be positive; once you make up your mind about what you want and be thankful for what you have, everything will be perfectly beautiful!
You can be a great mother!
And because the smell of new furnitures is still there so Aria is still in mommy & daddy’s room. We don’t mind it though since Aria officially rolled over by herself on Sunday, she’s still over excited with it. The fact is that this morning she woke up at 5am and flipped… How cute!!!
of efforts to build our own family supper mini farm!
